Self-Sabotage: Why Do We Do It?
Today I am going to cover Self-Sabotage. You will get the quick & simple answer to your question. I along with my clients have dealt with and sometimes still dealing with self-sabotage. And how we keep it in the back seat.
Why Is This A Good Question?
I love this question and I think it is a great question to ask. Because all too often we want to jump directly to the solution, without really dealing with WHY.
If you can understand why you do something, it is much easier to find a solution that will last.
My Brief Story
In my experience as a professional in corporate and now a business owner, you must deal with the soft skills. Meaning working on you and mindset. That is the most tough but meaningful and long lasting work you can ever do.
Once I realized that my business could never outgrow me, I knew I had to grow up and deal with my shit and look myself in the mirror.
What I found was that I had put a cap on the success I could achieve. If I dared went over that, I would instantly start to self-sabotage, to go back to the level I was comfortable with. That is sick, isn’t it.
I felt as though the more successful I became the more I would have to brag about my accomplishments, being in the spotlight and heck of a lot of responsibility. That scared me.
Needless to say, I did a lot of digging to find the root cause of those feelings. And then replace them with a more positive feeling and thought.
TOP 5 Reasons of WHY
Reason #1 – Worth
If you feel as though you are not worthy of something, if you start to get close to getting it, you will subconsciously start to do things to make it not happen. So that you do not go over that intrinsic level you have set for yourself. Bottom line is, “People like to be consistent — our actions tend to be in sync with our beliefs and values. When they aren’t, we make an effort to line them up again.”
Reason # 2 – Control
Raise your hand is you are closet control freak. Seriously, we all like to have control in the direction of our lives. Or situations we are in. If we feel we lost the control, then we can tend to burn the situation, because we are back in the control. We are burning the situation even though that is not the best solution. It is the solution we can control
Reason # 3 – Imposter Syndrome
Whew chile, we all suffer from this one. This tends to really surface when we are out of our comfort zone. When we are in new territory. For instance, you are transitioning to owning your own company. Even though you are doing the work, making the money. It can still fill as though you are just one breath away from failing. That someone will see behind the company and call you a fraud.
Note: this feeling never ever goes away. Every time you up-level, this may rear its ugly head.
If you are dealing with this, you really need to check out “How To Get Over Imposter Syndrome”
Is your anxiety is off the charts and one breath away from falling apart. Help is on the way. You will learn how to get over imposter syndrome.
Reason # 4 – Familiarity
How many times have you heard or even said yourself,
“The devil you know is preferable to the devil you don’t”
So with this mindset, you will put up with the terrible situations or people, because that is what you know. If someone or you encounter a situation that is the opposite, you cannot handle that. That is not familiar to you. So, you will mess it up, to go back to the familiar.
Another example is saying I hate my job. But never attempt to start their own business. Because as much as they really hate their job, it is familiar. And that devil is better than the devil of freedom.
Reason # 5 – Scapegoating
This is when you blame the symptoms and not the root issue.
For example, it is hard to find a job. But you only sent out 5 resumes. Root cause may be, you do not think anyone would hire you, cause you think you don’t have the degree or technical skills.
Another example is you start the business, then stop cause your job got hectic and/or life got in the way. Time goes by and you start the cycle again. Continue to build the business to launch and that pesky job and life cropped up again.
You tell yourself, I do not have the time. Root cause is you may suffer from Reason #1 – Worth or Reason #3 – Imposter Syndrome.
My Vlog Post – How Do I Overcome Fear Of Failure”
Learn the steps I take when I find I am fearful to move towards my goals, because I think I will be a failure. It is only 5 easy but powerful steps.
My Blog Post – Mindset Matters: Stop Self-Sabotage
We all do it. No matter how successful you are, at one time or another you’ll fall into the self-sabotage trap, and the price of admission is high.
Meditation – Headspace
Live a healthier, happier, more well-rested life in just a few minutes a day with the Headspace app.
EFT (Tapping) – Brad Yates video
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Sometimes it is hard getting started on reversing self-sabotage. So I came up with a quick and fun way to get started.
Below this post you will find a button to get started on a quiz. What is holding you back from living your dream life?
You will finish with an answer and resources.